My congregation has been privileged this year to receive the gifts of an intern pastor. It has been a wonderful experience and surely one we hope to repeat again and again. It was as I was reflecting on how this has been so far that I was asked about my own experience as an intern many years ago. In my tradition then (and often still now, although students are given other options) to study on site at the seminary for two years, to complete a twelve month pastoral internship, and then to return to seminary for the fourth year. The question posed to me this week was this: “Did you even want to go back for that fourth year? Weren’t you ready to get out there and get to work?”
My response was without hesitation: “No. Absolutely not.”
It is not that my internship was not positive, although it had been a lonely year in some ways. But this was so. I found people at the seminary who ‘got me’ in ways I had never been ‘gotten’ before. I had found a community of peers with whom I shared more in common than I ever would before and, it turns out — at least so far — I likely ever would again. It was a time and place when a lot of pieces came together. It was, for me, the sort of high mountain which Peter and James and John climbed with Jesus so long ago.
It turns out I was not entirely wrong in my eagerness to return to that place for another year. There were gifts on that mountain which I truly would never experience in the same way again. Gifts of understanding and community and wonder.
And yet, it is not as though I have not had those experiences countless times in the last almost thirty years since I left that particular mountaintop behind. I was reminded of this in a particular way in these last several days.
For you see, I have been privileged to accompany our Bishop on a kind of listening tour through the Synod this week. At each stop, rostered leaders (in our tradition: pastors, associates in minister, diaconal ministers, and deacons) have been gathered into small groups and posed a number of questions. The first question was this:
“What has been a high point for you in parish ministry?”
Each was given a pile of post it notes and sent to work. Some offered but a handful and some offered a dozen but each and every person around those tables could name times of pure joy in their experiences in congregations. They spoke of baptisms and confirmations and one on one conversations with precious people. They told stories of times of walking with dear ones and their loved ones in their dying days and they painted pictures of seasons when they witnessed death and resurrection in their congregations and communities in powerful ways. One told of her joy at watching children dancing in the aisles to a liturgy known by heart and others spoke of their congregation’s growth in extending what would have once been considered radical welcome to others. On and on and on the stories have been offered and with each telling one could witness the imaginations and memories of others at their tables being stirred with gratitude and hope.
Ministry can be hard. And yes, we have certainly heard that truth in these last days as well. The world is a challenging place and we often do not know how God’s people are called to live within it or how we are called to lead people in these changing times. And too, too often we find ourselves without cherished companions who can help us remember what perhaps we knew so well on that mountaintop along with Peter and James and John. And Moses and Elijah. And Jesus. Always Jesus.
Ministry can be hard. And yet, through it all sometimes in profoundly unexpected times, we are pulled up out of the difficulty and find ourselves right back up on the mountaintop where again we are privileged to see Jesus transfigured before us, “shining like the sun itself.” And we remember why we are here and why we do what we do. And somehow with that to carry us, we are able to join Jesus in going back down the mountain and joining God’s beloved people in times and places where they also find themselves yearning for the kind of understanding and hope which too often we only receive when we have been on the mountaintop.
My prayer for each and all of you is that you might have receive enough of those sorts of gifts that we receive on the mountaintop that you might be sustained in those hard slogging, lonely, confusing days which come to all who seek to follow Jesus off the mountain. May you be cloaked in the wonder of those moments for all that you say and all that you do and all that you are called to be…
- When and where have you found yourself on the mountaintop? When have you seen Jesus “shining like the sun” and all the pieces have come together for you? If you had been gathered at a table with me this week, what story would you have shared?
- How have such experiences sustained you in your journey of faith? For yourself? As you are called to lead and/or be a witness to others?
Oh my. Memories of times of Heavenly certainty, Heavenly gifts upon gifts flood in. Words come as God speaks through me. Peace shared through my hands. Hugs from trusting children. Blessings heaped on my table. Share, share! and joy in the doing.
Thank you for the asking, Pastor Janet.
My mountain top occurred at scout camp, the 15 years I was privileged to be the health officer. My favorite part of the job was ministering to boys that were homesick: they would come to the health office with a (stress-induced) tummy ache! There were several times in those 15 years I got to counsel young staffers that were struggling with personal problems, too. I t was always difficult, in August, to go back to the “real world”. These instances brought me so close to Jesus, and yes, on the mountaintop he shined like the sun! After that I realized that sometimes all people need is someone to listen.
These are wonderful examples, Mike. Thank you for passing them along.
Thank you for helping to remember those experiences when it was clear God’s grace was clearly there. They are beautiful and comforting and hopefully worthy of sharing with the congregation. Blessi vs ok your ministry.
Thanks, Doug for your comment. Blessings on your sharing this week-end.
Oh Janet! When I began reading your post, I almost shouted with you, “No, absolutely not.” Although my internship was wonderful and filled with great experiences, I longed to get back to the mountain top of being immersed in scripture, talking about it, studying it, with colleagues who lived inside the same bubble as I did. Being a disciple at seminary was truly one of the greatest experiences that I have ever had. It was there that I felt fed and nourished and the transcendence of God was never far off. But like the text, I have come to realize I cannot go back, but must come off the mountain top in the hope and trust that Jesus has even far greater things in store for us. Peace be with you!